


separation anxiety

by joysamo



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-09
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2020-06-25 09:55:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19743298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joysamo/pseuds/joysamo
Summary: momo and sana break up, and the only thing that still brings them together is the schedule created to decide which days of the week they'll get to spend with the puppy they share.





	separation anxiety

"Relax, Sana. It'll just take a minute, then you can get out of here. Stay cool, calm, and collected," Sana repeats the words like a mantra to her reflection in the mirror panel.

She doesn't look like she's been doing well: dark circles under her eyes, and cheeks that are a little gaunt from feeling too nauseous to eat for the first few days. There isn't much she can do about that now, though. She just hopes Momo won't comment on it, because she doesn't know how to explain that she's never felt worse in her entire life than she does now.

The elevator doors open with a piercing ring, and she quickly sweeps a few, thin strands of blonde hair away from her face, before stepping out onto Momo's floor with weak, shaky legs.

"Cool and calm. You've got this." Sana arrives before the door to her apartment, and takes a moment before knocking. "She's just your ex-girlfriend. Nothing to be afraid of."

Three sharp raps of her knuckle, and time seems to slow down around her. Sana feels like she's been standing here for an eternity, holding her breath, when Momo finally answers the door. And then she wishes it had taken just a little longer.

No matter how much she had prepared herself, gathering up every little scrap of confidence she could get her hands on just to piece them into some semblance of a composure, nothing could have readied her for seeing her again.

As soon as she locks eyes with her, gazes into the deep, rich mocha irises of the woman she's still madly in love with, her mouth dries up, and she's rooted to the spot.

Of course, it's not Momo that she's afraid of. It's how much she still loves her.

"We can't keep going back and forth, arguing over the same damn thing, Momo," Sana sighs, burying her head in her hands as she takes a seat on the opposite end of the couch.

Momo stands immediately, restless, pacing, unable to sit next to her.

"You're right," Momo agrees, but it doesn't sound like she's happy about it. Quite the opposite. Sana hears her feet finally come to a still, hears her take a deep breath, hears... "I want you to get out."

It comes like a punch to the gut.

"W-What?" Sana stutters, her mind reeling as it tries to process the demand.

"You're right. I can't do this anymore. _We_ can't keep doing this." Momo pauses and takes another deep breath, like she has to muster up all the courage she can just to say it once more. "You should l-leave."

"You're... breaking up with me?" Sana's voice cracks, but somehow she holds herself together. With how numb she feels, it's probably the shock setting in.

"Don't you think it's for the best?" Momo asks, though it comes off more as a plea, her watery eyes begging Sana not to turn this into another fight.

They're both already exhausted from the terrible week they've had, and Sana realises it'll be good for her to just accept this calmly, no matter how much it hurts, no matter how badly she wants to fight for this—for them, for their love. She doesn't want to upset Momo further, not since she's apparently pushed her to breaking point like this. So, Sana nods.

"Y-Yes... I suppose... I suppose it is." She stands up, though with how her knees buckle, she doesn't think she'll make it past the front door. "I... I'm really sorry it had to come to this. I... love you a lot, Momo. I always will."

"I love you too," Momo whispers, her voice fragile. And then she just stands there, staring at Sana, waiting for something.

Sana doesn't know what she's supposed to do. She knows that she should leave, of course, but she's still having difficulty processing that information.

So, she blurts out the first dumb thing on her mind.

"What about Haru?" She asks, wincing as Momo's saddened expression turns foul with a confused frown.

"What do you mean?" Momo's gaze is drawn to their tan shiba puppy, napping quietly in her little dog bed.

"What're we gonna do?" Momo still looks confused, so Sana elaborates. "You know... who gets to keep her?"

"Well, she lives here. And all her stuff's here, so... me?" Momo sounds like she's stating the obvious and, honestly, she is.

It's completely logical that Haru should stay with Momo, here in her home. But Sana's mouth moves faster than she can even think.

"That's not fair!" She spits childishly, getting riled up at herself for focusing entirely on the wrong thing. She should be fighting for Momo instead, but she just can't stop herself. "We bought her together, Momo. She's mine as much as she is yours. And I love her!"

Sana's eyes dart away from Momo's scrutinising gaze, knowing the last sentence she let slip might have not only been about their dog. But she bites her tongue. Now is not the time to be begging Momo for a chance to fix things, she knows this.

Maybe it's the fact that she's resigned herself to leaving without a fight that causes her to change her priorities to the ownership of their pet. Maybe she just wants to linger a little longer, something to stop her from walking out of that door so soon.

She hears Momo sigh, and looks up to find that her expression has softened, though she still looks utterly devastated. Enough to tug harshly at Sana's heart strings.

"Fine. We'll work something out. I'll text you about it. But just..." Momo finally collapses back down onto the couch, hunched over when she chokes out a final, wet, "Just go."

As the reality of it all finally sets in for Sana, the air in her lungs feels dangerously thin, and the muscles in her chest start to twist and contract, begging for gasps of air.

She barely makes it out of the elevator and into her car before she's muffling cracked, broken sobs into her hand.

The door swings open, and from the worried expression on her friend's face, Sana knows she's done a terrible job ridding any evidence that shows she's just spent the past hour and a half outside the building, weeping in her car.

"Sana?" Her close friend, Dahyun, speaks carefully, voice thick with concern. "Oh my god. What happened? Are you okay?"

"I'm sorry," Sana croaks. She pauses to clear her throat, and whimpers when it stings. "I know this is really sudden, but... I think I need a place to stay."

Dahyun drags her inside right away.

Her best friend, and Dahyun's long-term girlfriend, Nayeon, pushes a steaming mug of hot chocolate into her hands. Sana doesn't feel like drinking, but thanks her anyway and takes a sip.

"So, what happened?" Nayeon asks, sitting down next to Dahyun on their couch. Sana is perched on the other end.

"I got sick of arguing about it. Told her as much," Sana briefly explains, taking a deep breath and another sip to stop herself from tearing up again. There's no milk mixed into her drink, that much is obvious just from the dark colour, and the hot chocolate is burning and bitter on Sana's tongue, but she barely registers the discomfort. "I guess Momo was sick of it, too. Next thing I knew she was telling me to get out."

"And you did?" Nayeon blurts the question out of shock, earning a subtle and reprimanding nudge from Dahyun.

"What else was I supposed to do?" Sana stares down at the cup, cradling it with the oversized sleeves of her sweater, her thumb poking out to stroke the handle. "We both... want different things, I guess. I probably exhausted her to the point where she had to kick me out like that. I didn't want to upset her any more than I already have."

The information lingers in the air for a few silent seconds, and then Nayeon sinks back into the couch cushions.

"Wow," she breathes, huffing out a puff of air that blows her thin bangs up. "I can't believe it's over… You're Sana and Momo! You've been best friends for... well, as long as I can remember. Since, like, freshman year of college. And now it's just... done. Just like that?"

"You're not helping," Sana hears Dahyun mutter to her girlfriend.

She shrugs it off, understanding the shock Nayeon's going through. As their longest mutual friend, she's seen them through thick and thin, watched as their close friendship became something more, and all that entailed.

"We should've just stayed as best friends, then none of this would've happened," Sana murmurs.

"Sana," Dahyun gasps, shuffling a little closer. "You don't mean that."

Sana hates it. Because Dahyun's right. Even with the heartache she's feeling now, she wouldn't trade those years with Momo for anything. The dates, the romantic vacations, moving in together, bringing little Haru home—she cherishes those memories and experiences more than anything the world has to offer. Cherishes Momo and her love, even if she has neither of those now.

"I know," Sana sighs. "But what does it matter? It's over now. And it hurts so fucking much, but she wanted to stop, and I won't force it."

"Sana, I'm sure this is all just temporary," Nayeon makes an attempt at reassurance, but Sana just shakes her head.

"No, she wanted me gone. Maybe because we couldn't see eye-to-eye, or maybe because she was just tired of it, like me. Tired of the same old argument, of hurting each other for no good reason. We've never fought like this before, it was just too much for us to handle."

"It was a big thing between you guys, huh?" Dahyun asks, placing a comforting hand on Sana's shoulder when she receives a nod. "When it was brought up at dinner we all thought it was just a little joke, nothing so serious. I had no idea it would cause you guys to..." She coughs awkwardly, swiftly changing her tone of voice to be more upbeat. "Maybe you just need to sit down in a controlled environment and talk it out. Like with a counsellor, or something."

Sana chuckles, though it lacks any real humour. "I appreciate your optimism, Dahyun, but like I said, we just keep butting heads. It's no good. If she says it's over... I just have to accept that."

There's a lull in the conversation again, and exhaustion really starts to set itself into Sana's bones, weighing her down into Nayeon's temptingly comfortable decorative cushions. But her ability to relax is hindered by the nagging feeling that she's intruding on their personal space.

"Do you, um," Sana tries to get the awkward words out, speaking through an awfully disguised yawn. "Can I go... You have an empty guest room, right?"

"Why? Are you tired?" Dahyun asks in the softest voice, and all Sana can do is nod sheepishly, unable to come up with some lame excuse like needing to settle in or have some quiet time alone.

"Come on, then." Nayeon stands up, Dahyun too, and offers Sana her hand. "You can come nap with us, in our bed."

Sana wakes up sometime in the middle of the night, still tangled up between Nayeon and Dahyun, wearing the cutest borrowed pajamas with little puppy patterns on them. Dahyun had given her the button up top and matching bottom set in an attempt to cheer her up, and honestly it worked, Sana had cracked a little smile before taking them and heading to the bathroom to change.

But now she just has a headache and a scratchy, dry throat from all the crying she's done. So, after she manages to pry herself loose from the arms and legs that are wrapped tight around her, she grabs her phone from the nightstand and heads out of the bedroom, towards the kitchen for a drink.

Her heart leaps up into her throat when she mindlessly checks through her phone's notifications, and she stops her dead in her tracks, right in the middle of the room.

(23:48) Momo (´ ε ` )♡: because of our work schedules I think you should get haru on thursdays, fridays, saturdays and sundays.

(23:49) Momo (´ ε ` )♡: come get her on thursday and bring her back on monday morning.

Sana doesn't know why she's smiling at her phone when, inside, she's dreading having to see Momo again so soon—she hates how her heart aches now just by thinking about it, but at least she'll get to see her favourite little puppy again.

"Sana," Momo greets, one hand opening up the door, the other cradling their dog. "Are you okay? You're really pale."

Sana shakes herself out of a stupor, attempting to compose herself again, and swallows thickly, hoping Momo can't hear it—can't tell how distraught she has become, as she adopts an air of (faux) indifference.

"I'm here for Haru," she says, cold and straight to the point.

"Of course." A look of sadness flickers across her face, and Sana doesn't get the time to question why before Momo's quickly stepping aside. "Come in a sec."

Momo heads towards the living area, and Sana stands awkwardly, a few feet into the apartment, arms crossed over her chest, way out of her comfort zone, like she didn't live here for a year—like it's no longer her home.

"I just need to find her collar," Momo shouts, lifting up couch cushions and checking drawers. "I know it's around here somewhere."

Haru's never worn her collar before. She's still quite young and they didn't want it to irritate her. Besides, everyone in the building knows she belongs to Momo and Sana anyway, she'd be easily found and returned if she ever escaped out into the hall, so there's really no reason for her to wear it. Not when she's here, anyway. 

Sana starts to feel a little bad for taking her. It's not Haru's fault they fell apart. She considers saying something—leaving Haru here, at least for the next few months, but then Momo's in front of her, clipping the collar on, and handing the fluffy little dog over, wearing a shiny tag engraved with her name and address—one of her addresses.

Haru rouses briefly from sleep, she's always napping at her age, and sniffs at Sana, making little whimpering noises when she recognises her—and Sana's missed her so much. Too much to say anything about leaving her.

Momo lingers close to Sana, eyes darting about, looking unsure. And then, suddenly, she's apologising, "I just wanted to say sorry. It was so sudden and I didn't even know if you had a place to stay, or—"

"I did. I do. It's fine." It's anything but fine, and Sana feels guilty about how snippy she's being, but she has Haru now and she just wants to leave—can't bear this painful small-talk that Momo seems to be making an attempt at. "I'll see you on Monday, Momo."

Turning on her heel, Sana moves towards the exit. Just a few more steps and this'll be over, at least until next week.

She doesn't even make it to the door before Momo's calling out for her.

"Sana, wait!"

Every muscle in her body goes stiff, Sana freezes where she is, and a million questions start whirling through her mind. Is this it? Does Momo regret breaking up? Is she going to ask Sana to stay, to be hers again?

The answer to all of those is 'no,' Sana finds out, as she turns back around and is faced with Momo's petite hands gripping tight around a matching leash.

"Just in case you need it," Momo says quietly, handing it over.

"Right. Thanks." Sana's voice comes out so cold and devoid of emotion, that it almost scares her. But she can't force herself to act polite when it feels like her heart has been shattered all over again.

She doesn't know why she expected anything more. Momo had been clear when she told Sana to get out. Why would she suddenly change her mind?

Sana desperately wants to leave, now. To run. To go sit in her car and cry about it again. But, for some reason, Momo's still talking.

"Is there anything else you need to take?" She asks, making an effort to be helpful. Sana doesn't understand why, and while pity is her best guess, it wouldn't make sense for Momo to feel bad for her if she really pushed her away like she believes.

"No," Sana replies. "I'm going to the pet store on the way back to get all the necessities, anyway. So… goodbye, Momo."

As soon as the door closes behind her, Sana's posture sags, and a heavy exhale escapes her, along with her portrayal of a cold, unfeeling woman.

After another good cry, and a lengthy visit to the store, it's about two hours later when she finally gets back to Nayeon's.

With her hands full, Sana nudges the door shut behind her, and leans against it to kick her shoes off.

The apartment is quiet, and Nayeon soon appears from the doorway to her bedroom, skipping over cheerfully.

"Oh my god, is this her?" She gasps at the little brown shiba tucked safely in Sana's arm, taking it off of her to free up her hands.

"Thanks," Sana mutters, going straight over to the couch to drop her shopping bags and flop down onto it.

"Oh, she's adorable," Nayeon coos, lifting Haru up to her face so that she can get a good look at her. After peppering a few kisses to the dog's little forehead, she finally acknowledges Sana, too. "So, how was it? Seeing her for the first time since she dumped you?"

Sana cringes. "Oh, Nayeon, you have such a way with words."

"Sorry." Nayeon sits down on the floor with Haru in her lap, gently stroking the top of her head, and watches cautiously as her own little dog, Kookeu, approaches—intrigued. "Come on, then. How was it?"

"Awful," Sana groans. "If it wasn't bad enough having to see her less than a week after our break up... she was being really nice to me."

"Oh, no. What a horrible, terrible thing to do," Nayeon drawls sarcastically, overseeing the first interaction between their dogs. After a few sniffs, Kookeu seems to be fine with Haru's presence, and perches contently next to Nayeon. However, that's not the end of it, because Haru seems curious too, and starts pawing at his fluffy tail.

"No, it really was," Sana continues, ignoring her friend's quip. It was like Momo's attitude towards her had completely flipped since the last time she saw her, and Sana struggled to wrap her head around it. "I think she wants to be friends with me? Which I can understand, you know, we were best friends before all of this. But at least give it a few weeks before trying to chat with me like nothing happened."

Nayeon just snickers at her, busy watching the puppies play.

"I'm glad you think my fucked up love life is hilarious," Sana grumbles, getting up from the couch to grab a bottle of water from the fridge.

"Oh, come on, Sana. You're not this dense," Nayeon says, rolling her eyes. "She clearly wants to get back together. No normal person kicks someone out and then tries to get all chummy with them like a week later."

Sana snaps the lid off, shaking her head as she takes a gulp. "Nayeon, you weren't there. I told you, she wanted me gone." Frustrated, she grunts, slamming the bottle down on the counter. "God, this whole dog situation is making everything so confusing! I can't even look at her—like meeting her today, that physically hurt! But I miss her so, so much... and on the way home, I realised that I don't know if I'm terrified or actually looking forward to seeing her again on Monday."

Nayeon stands up then, looking very concerned, and brings Haru over with her. "Listen, Sana, it's okay to be confused. Break ups are really hard, and I know you guys were like... you guys were seriously in love. We could all see that. But don't torture yourself for feeling conflicted. Anyone else would probably be handling it even worse."

"Yeah, I guess," Sana sighs, leaning forward onto the counter. While Nayeon's actually spent the past few days going on and on about how it'll all blow over soon, and that she and Momo will just get back together and forget this all ever happened, it was really nice to have her genuine support. Sana really appreciated her, and Dahyun, for everything they've done for her lately. "Thank you, Nayeon."

"No problem!" She flashes a wide grin. "Now, I have to ask before it's too late—you bought training mats, right?"

"Oh, yeah. I got everything. A new bed, her own bowls, chew toys. Puppy mats," Sana lists everything off, counting on her fingers. "But, uh, you don't have to worry about that right now."

"What do you mean?" Nayeon asks, arms gently rocking the tired puppy to sleep.

"I mean she already peed today. In the pet store. Like... all over the floor." Nayeon throws her head back in laughter, cackling with her mouth wide open and her eyes scrunched shut, and Sana just smiles, rounding the counter to give her a playful push. "You're such an asshole."

"Oh my god, that's great," Nayeon snickers, her loud laughter tapering off. "Oh, Haru, I think I love you already," she gushes to the dozing dog, following Sana as she returns to the couch.

Nayeon places the puppy in Sana's lap, and then picks up Kookeu so that they can all sit together, balancing him on her legs to play with him.

"Are you sure Dahyun's okay with this?" Sana worries, unclasping Haru's collar and patting down the short fur that has spiked up around her neck.

"Hm?" Nayeon giggles when Kookeu growls at her for messing with his fur, then looks up. "Oh, yeah! Since we got Kookeu she's actually been great with dogs. Well, tiny ones, at least. So you're good."

Sana nods. "She's still at college?"

"Yeah. Finals are coming up and she's been cramming any chance she gets." Nayeon's bottom lip juts out a little. "I've never seen her study this hard."

"She's smart," Sana reassures, placing a hand on Nayeon's knee. "She'll be okay."

"You will too, you know?" Nayeon looks at her, eyes wide and full of worry. Pools of brown swirling with the unspoken promise that she'll be here to provide support for as long as Sana needs it.

"I..." Sana smiles softly to herself. Here with Nayeon and Dahyun—and their adorable puppies too, she feels safe and secure. Like everything's going to be alright. Even if she's not there yet, and doesn't think she will be for a while. "I know."

**Author's Note:**

> before samonators kill me, i promise there'll be fluff!


End file.
